Thursday, September 25, 2014

Week 6 Storytelling - Omnipresent

It was a cold night in the middle of winter. A boy lay asleep in his bed. Sleeping, sleeping peacefully at the beginning of his slumber but then the boy began to tense up and his body language became contorted as if to convey messages of pain. Now we enter the mind of the boy and see what he dreams of. The boy is in an big empty room, he slowly navigates through the darkness looking for a way out. He sees a faint light and frantically presses forward. He feels as if something is following him and is too scared to look back. He breaks out into a run and storms through a door leading outside. Its nighttime, and there is no moon to aid the oppressing darkness. The area is heavily wooded and the young boy has no choice but to navigate through the forest. He does not think about it long because he feels that same feeling of being followed by an ominous omnipresent presence. The forest is very dark and not much light from the sky peeks through the dense forestry. The boy begins to hear a ringing sound, as the forest progressively grows darker and harder to pass through. The boy decides to change direction and find an easier path to traverse. The ringing subsides however the forest still grows darker. The ringing begins and the boy becomes feeling helpless. But this feeling soon subsides as the boy makes it out onto the forest and onto a mile wide unpaved road with forestry lining both sides. The boy cannot see when this road ends for the darkness does not permit it. The boy begins his journey down the unfinished path and stares intently forward. His fear compels his pupils forward and blurs his peripheral vision from gazing. However, for this reason the boy thinks he sees something. Peeking out of the forest, a tall slender entity. He can not make it out and closes his eyes to clear his vision but see nothing. The boy awakens in his room, drenched in a cold sweat with a putrid smell enveloping his nostrils.


Authors Note: I loosely, loosely based this story off of the prompt based on Ravana’s dreams during his slumber. The only thing that I retold from that story was that the main character is experiencing something while asleep. I just wanted to tell a story about a nightmare a boy was experiencing because some entity is haunting him and his dreams. I left the ending as a cliffhanger so I can see what people interpret happening and taking that feedback and extending the story for my portfolio. 

7 comments:

  1. Avi, I am glad that this inspired you to make up a totally new story, but you need to choose stories for your Portfolio that have something to do with Indian Epics... one possibility would be to make this the dream of a YOUNG Ravana, thinking of ways that this somehow could be a foretelling of the events that come later in his life for example. Do you think that would work? There are some creative writing classes you can take at OU (it sounds like you would enjoy that!)... for this class, the goal is to gain a deeper understanding of the world of the epics by telling these stories, so think of a way you could use this start of a story to turn it into an exploration of Ravana's character... starting from this dream he has as a young rakshasa maybe...?

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  2. Hey, Avi! I’m so impressed by your creativity in this re-telling. It is loosely based, but it is very creative and definitely is a fun, unique way to look at the story. I haven’t read any of your other storytelling posts but definitely will do so in the future so that I can see what your other stories are like- they’re definitely interesting.

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  3. Hi Avi!! So I loved this story in how haunting and dreamlike the atmosphere is. I definitely think people can relate to feeling like something is always right behind you, waiting for the right moment to strike, and yet there is never anything there. This was very different from most of the stories I've read so far this semester because of how loosely it was based on the epic, but I can totally see why you chose to write this tale. Good work!

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  4. Hi Avi! How are you?! Your story was great, you wrote with a lot of description and I felt like I myself was part of the dream running in the dark and scary woods. You did an excellent job of creating a dark atmosphere, it was almost like it was a scary movie! You were right when you said it was a loosely told story too! You’re Awesome!

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  5. Avi,
    I really enjoyed reading your story! It was very well written and you put a lot of detail into it. I felt like I was a part of it!
    It's fun to read stories that keep you on the edge and yours definitely did that. Your storytelling style worked well with your topic.
    Good job! I can't wait to read more of your writing as the semester goes on.

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  6. Well Avi, you have done it gain, another fantastic story. I feel as though you really enjoy suspense books or movies because every time I read one of your stories it seems like I’m bighting me nails. But yeah, great story, I liked how you faded from an exterior shot of the boy to an inner dream perspective. I felt almost like I was going on a magic school bus adventure with Sigmund Freud. Towards the end of the story you mention him possibly seeing a tall slender entity looming just inside the forest; it sounds a lot like the kid has been playing too much Slender Man late at night. Keep up the awesome writing, I hope to read more soon.

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  7. I think your storytelling this week was really suspenseful and amazing. My biggest issue, however, was with pesky grammar. I would have enjoyed the story so much more if you had just separated out the paragraphs. The big block of text was daunting and I kept getting lost in it. I think if you fixed this, then this story could be a real show stopper.

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