As Rama tears through the forest in high pursuit of
the Golden Deer, he begins having conflicting thoughts about pursuing this deer.
"Why should I enslave this animal because it is beautiful? Is it not a
crime to not let it be free? Something is amiss. Sita would never have such
materialistic pursuits. A dark force is in play. I must figure out the truth
from this deer before it's too late!" Rama shoots the deer in the
leg and it suddenly changes back into Maricha. Rama instantly recognizes Maricha. He recalls his fight with Maricha and Subahu many years ago. Rama forces Maricha to tell him of Ravana's plot to kidnap Sita.
Immediately, Rama is off at racing speed to where
Sita first spotted Maricha disguised as the Golden Deer. Rama is traveling
at such high speed he is able to travel from tree limb to tree limb and dart
through the giant expanse of forestry. He quickly finds where Sita was but only
sees signs of a struggle and he instantaneously concludes that Ravana has already
captured Sita. Rama looks within himself to figure out a way to stop Ravana
before he reaches his impenetrable fortress in Lanka.
Rama knows if he can reach Sita’s thoughts, he will
be able to find out which direction they are heading in. Rama sends out his
thoughts in every direction and frantically searches for Sita’s thoughts. He
suddenly reaches them but they are faint and he can only make out feelings of
fear. Sita is far away and getting even farther by the second.
At once, he rushes in the same direction, pursuing Ravana at the same racing speed as before and readies his bow and arrow for one final blow to end his evil reign. Rama is now able to read Sita’s thoughts as he narrows the distance between them and assures her that he is on his way but to not alert Ravana in any way of this. Sita keeps calm as Ravana carries her off into the distance.
At once, he rushes in the same direction, pursuing Ravana at the same racing speed as before and readies his bow and arrow for one final blow to end his evil reign. Rama is now able to read Sita’s thoughts as he narrows the distance between them and assures her that he is on his way but to not alert Ravana in any way of this. Sita keeps calm as Ravana carries her off into the distance.
Soon Rama spots Ravana with Sita in tow and
quickly engages him into battle. Ravana suddenly grows through a process of
metamorphosis. Ravana begins to grow even more heads and grows to over twenty feet
in height. Ravana dashes toward Rama with multiple arms bearing different
weapons such as tridents, conches, and chakras. He swings his arms with blinding speed and his whole body turns into a
cyclone of spinning weapons. Rama knows he cannot engage Ravana directly in hand-to-hand combat and
pulls out his trusty bow to defend himself. Rama keeps his distance from
Ravana’s twister technique and strafes from a safe distance. Rama focuses his
aim on Ravana’s many flailing arms and begins shooting arrows through each of
his hands. Rama shoots an arrow through each of Ravana’s eighteen arms and soon
Ravana shrinks in size and brandishes his favorite sword Chandaras. He charges Rama in a blind
rage. Rama breathes in a deep breath, stands firmly upright with his chest out,
draws back the arrow and lets it fly. The arrow flies with pinpoint precision and hits Ravana between the eyes. Instantly, Ravana turns to dust. All is well again for Rama and Sita.
Author's Note: This story is an alternate and quicker ending to Rama’s battles with
Ravana. In this version he foils Ravana’s plans much sooner. I removed Lakshmana completely from the story because his role would be very minuscule in my retelling of the story. I used most parts of the original story. The only major change I made was killing Ravana much sooner. Also I had Rama find Sita through his own powers, instead of having her drop a piece of her jewelry. I added a long intense battle scene
between Rama and Ravana into the story because I have loved all the epic
battles we have read about in the past seven weeks in this class. All the
intense battles between the characters, especially the wars between Rama and
Ravana’s armies, are what inspired me to write this little battle scene into my
short story. I am extremely fascinated with the various weapons all the
characters use and hope to include some in my forthcoming stories as well. I also
just wanted to share that the image I used for this story is my favorite. Although this is a picture of Kumbakarna, I like that it shows Rama with his bow and it's the best representation I could find of the final scene in my story.
Bibliography:
- Buck, William (1976). Ramayana: King Rama's Way.
It is interesting that you chose to do your story in this way. I wish there was more to it, like maybe if you added more of your own to it. Also, there were a lot of grammatical errors and issues. You had a lot of instances of tense changing. One point you’re in present then in past. It was jarring. Anyways, these are just something to keep in mind next week.
ReplyDeleteAvi, I also wrote my story about the golden deer so I found it really interesting to see us take the same story but put different spins and perspectives on it. I do agree with Tia, in that I wish you put a little bit more of your own twist to it, but I get that you were trying to stick with the same storyline, and wanted to just add in Rama's thoughts and quicken the ending, so I can definitely appreciate that! There were a couple grammatical errors, so I would just suggest reading your post out loud before publishing it next time. I know its hard to catch your own errors sometimes, I have the same problem! Overall, I enjoyed your ending to the story, I know I always like knowing immediately what happens at the end of story so I love that you did that! I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future!
ReplyDeleteHi, Avi! I really enjoyed your version of the story. It was a short and sweet version of the original story of Ramayan, which is insanely long. I really loved how you were able to bring a happy ending to the story, especially when most stories have a sad ending. And also on the original Ramayan, Sita burns herself to prove her love and purity, which is really sad!
ReplyDeleteGood evening Avi, I just want to start by saying that was a pretty fantastic version of the story. I found myself for drawn in by your story than the actual story itself. I enjoyed how it got to the point and flowed from action to action. I feel as though I could feel the intensity of Rama chasing down Ravana. I hope to read more of your stories in the future!
ReplyDelete(Commenting on two random blog posts because I already commented on your portfolio story)
ReplyDeleteI really like what you did with this story. You shortened it a ton which is good because I got a little bored reading about Rama chasing Ravana all over different kingdoms and countries trying to get Sita back. You made the story very straight forward which was awesome. I also wrote about the same prompt and it's pretty cool to see how our minds worked so similarly. One thing that stood out to me was Rama trying to get into Sita's thoughts to assure her that he was coming to rescue her. That's a pretty cool power to have. I also agree with Soham about the happy ending. Not every ending is happy but I'm glad that this one was!
Hi again Avi!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed what you did with this story. You used a lot of detail. This made it easy to picture it all in my head. When I was reading through Ramayana, I was annoyed out how long Rama and Ravana took to actually stop and fight face to face; the chase was too long. Your version is a lot shorter and focuses on the actual battle which is good.
It was fun to read and definitely kept my attention.
I like that you used the actual storyline from Ramayana. I believe that's harder to do than it is to make the story modern.
This story kept me on edge. Very good job once again!
Avi, I really enjoyed reading this version of the story taken from the book. You used a lot of detail that made picturing the battle easier to accomplish for the reader. I also like how you included the thought process of Rama at the beginning to show how he is able to realize he is being tricked. Having such an abrupt ending mirrors the book very well like you said, and I can only wish that Rama and Sita ended up happily ever after in the book as they get to in your story! Great job!
ReplyDeleteI'm really glad you chose to write about this story! I wrote about it too a couple of weeks ago, and I think that you really communicated the theme well. Your addition of Rama's thought process was really crucial in communicating the story's ideals. The amount of detail you used was really great also. I think that because your version was shorter it was also more efficient in telling the story. Although you modernized the story, I think that you did a great job holding up the integrity of the original story. You did a really great job and I can’t wait to read what you have to say next time.
ReplyDeletePart of your font was in Bold letters so it was a little distracting. As for your story you kind of gave us the cliff notes version of it. I am guessing by your author's notes that was the basis of what you were trying to do. Still even though this was an extremely shortened version and a complete rewriting that would have cut out roughly half of the Ramayana you found a way to tie in a large amount of detail. The battle scene was fast paced and as I was reading this I felt as if I was being told the details of a movie that someone had just watched. I actually could almost picture the narrator telling a crowd of people about this story around a campfire. Still as I said though you shortened this version quite a bit you did a great job of giving detail. You talked about Rama’s bow and his sword which are both extremely important details to the story. The picture you chose at the bottom of your page fit your story perfectly. Rama having mental powers was new but hey he is a god so why woudn’t he be able to find Sita through a mental connection. I found this to be an interesting take on the story.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed is that there are two different fonts in your story. This is a little bit distracting as a reader. If you cleaned that up, it would look great! As for the story, I thought it was really good. The Golden Deer is an interesting story when he is defeating Ravana. You used great descriptive language and really keep the reader on his or her toes. I also really like that you are interested in the weapons they use in the epics. That’s a really cool aspect that forces you to use your imagination. Also, the picture is really cool too!
ReplyDeleteWell, this certainly makes the tale of the Ramayana shorter. You changed a lot from the original story in this story. One interesting detail you added was Rama's ability to read Sita's thoughts. Others have already commented on the weird font thing, and there were also some places where the grammar seemed a bit clunky. Still, though, your story is told very "short and sweet", and it's clear what is going on. The pacing is good - not too drawn out, just action. Oh, and I agree with Tyler, that picture is cool and goes perfectly with the story!
ReplyDelete